Soup is Better the Next Day

Soup’s hard to mess up. You can, but you can fix it by readjusting your ingredients. My life has been a lot like a soup. I’ve learned that life is complex and never simple as I pass the 56-year mark. The postman brings solicitations from AARP and Medicare. I yell I’m not old. My mind believes I’m capable of racing with the children. My legs know different. When a young man on YouTube ridicules me and calls me Old Lady, I smirk, knowing there’s a point when we all get there, even his sorry self.

Why Soup Tastes Better the Next Day (most of the time)

Letting a finished pot of soup hang out overnight means that harsh flavors soften, the ingredients have a chance to absorb the tasty broth, and everything transforms from very distinct flavors into one harmonious soup.

Christine Gallary

At ten, when I had knobby knees, it was impossible to think of marriage and sleeping in the same bed with a man. Oh, I was curious enough, but I thought the world would end before I grew up. My sister-in-law reassured me that there would be time. I kept seeing what the preachers taught, the fear speeches. I saw the cracks in the ground. Earthquakes. Wars and rumors of wars. Signs in the heavens. Yes, the world was ending, and I wouldn’t get a chance to be married or have children. I’d never had a first kiss.

“Well, I suppose nothing is meant to last forever. We have to make room for other people. It’s a wheel. You get on, you have to go to the end. And then somebody has the same opportunity to go to the end and so on.” – Vivian Maier, nanny and photographer

Life isn’t the pretty pictures you see in the magazine. Our moments, each one of them, are important. Live them. It’s not a delicate family portrait. Life is pleasure and pain. I’ve had kisses that made me weak in the knees. I have found a friend and a lover. Joy. Other moments in my life have crushed me with grief.

I was 15 when I kissed a boy for the first time. It was at a park with my youth group—a very long time ago. It was a kiss. No sparks. In those days, I’d pictured perfection, my future unfolding full of joy and happiness. I was good, kind, so I expected rewards.

I once expected a solitary perfect moment, a portrait, but life is a collage of photos. Life is the soup.

That’ll Do Pig

Picture – me as I was some years ago. I was a chubby lady jogging and hugging through my neighborhood in old running shoes and shorts, a disposable water bottle. I can’t say my pace was worthy of applause. My GPS phone app clocked me at 5 K in 57 minutes. And that’s estimating that my last 30 minutes will be the same as my first, which was not happening. More likely, I’d lean on a tree and watch a few birds fight with the squirrels. By the time I got another mile and a half (about 2.4 K) of running in, I was sweating like it was August in Texas. My calves were burning, and my knees hurt. Not a picture of athletic prowess.

-Gotta love sweat humor.

We feel silly when we start. The first step out the door in a strange outfit. But time passes. We practice, we learn. Hopefully, we develop good habits. It’s why we need good training early. I muscled up enough to run a few miles. My calves couldn’t fit into most of the dress boots in the stores. That was fine. I was proud of my legs. I could run up the hills in my neighborhood, and if you saw, you’d understand my satisfaction. Yeah, I felt good.

Aside: Running vs. Jogging.

The two are technically the same. Jogging doesn’t become running at a certain pace. Jogging is just an uncool word for some people.

– Me

Why debate the words? Run or jog. Possibly it started in the marathon running group. You don’t jog a marathon. When I looked up the terms in all the online running blogs I could find, no one was sure of the difference between the two. Jogging implies that you are trotting through the neighborhood with no purpose. In the case of running, people mean they are training for a run or a marathon. But that’s speculative.

When I began, with my out-of-date shoes, I felt awkward. So I purchased expensive running gear. Funnily enough, the models displaying running shorts and tanks are 5’10” and 100 pounds. Their BMI is probably 5%. I know, it’s really 14%, and I’m exaggerating, but they are thin girls. Lanky. Anorexic. My BMI is higher. All those chubs on my body are well-earned. It took a lot of cookies and pints of ice cream to build them.

Remember at the end of school? No more summer of lounging. Probably by now, the zeal of the first job is gone. Parenting, hobbies, and vocations are that way. It feels strained. Not quite right. Everyone sees you’re stumbling and fumbling. That makes me smile. Even though I may not run forever or attain a gazelle-like grace, I can stroll about the neighborhood dressed in trendy shorts and bright-colored shoes. And I tried something new.

Need something new? Here are a few suggestions.

Wed March 16, 2021 – Wed August 31 2022

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November 1-30, 2021

What Is NaNoWriMo?

National Novel Writing Month began in 1999 as a daunting but straightforward challenge: to write #50,000 words of a novel in thirty days. Now, each year on November 1, hundreds of thousands of people around the world begin to write, determined to end the month with 50,000 words of a brand new novel. They enter the month as elementary school teachers, mechanics, or stay-at-home parents. They leave novelists. 798,162 Active novelists 367,913 Novels completed #NANOWRITMO

Now- Current day

Be brave and speak up. Squeal like a pig. Do you have a sweat story or funny phrase? I would love to hear it. Share in the comments.

Shame on you

Invisible rules, unspoken. You know them. And if you don’t, you may be pulled to the side by the wise leader of the tribe because they’ll correct you. Chuckle. We have too many who think they’re hip.

Why is she tanning in winter? Is she trying to get a man at her age still? Her hair is getting so long. So out of date. I have heard this one from my mom and people at work. It goes with she’s too old to have long hair—over 40—darn rules.

The over 40 men with the flash of a car and smile—well, we know he’s on the prowl. Watch out, girls. Tsk tsk. If he was 38, he could get by with it, I’m sure.

Is it advice or shame? Be careful of the council you take.

DEFINE

According to Brené Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It’s an emotion that affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact in the world.Feb 17, 2016

How to Listen to Pain – Greater Good Science Center

Some cultures, religious or pagan, use a system of shunning. They will never look at you, talk to you, or in any way acknowledge your existence. I’ve had people attempt to dismiss me, cold shoulder me, which is an attempt to gain control. In my opinion, it’s abuse.

Shunning often involves implicit or explicit shame for a member who commits acts seen as wrong by the group or its leadership.

Shunning

These forbidden activities, taboo behaviors are from a period when we needed shame-based boundaries. We needed the community to survive. Love, with its short-lived blush, planted you into a family and gave you a home. Over the years, you and your family became one. We still want to belong.

When slapped with shame, I feel angry. There’s a tinge of rejection. I want to fight and cry out, Unfair. I hurt, and like any creature, I long for safety. We must find our center. Do you have someone or something to cling to, even if it is a poem?

My one thing was the sunrise. Could you read about it here? Touchstones and Totems

The Keys to Life

This is an updated version ofWants, Desires, and, Actions

There is an inherent order to life. It’s as old as the earth herself. Desire plus response equals fulfillment. A baby’s cry causes a mother to feed her baby. Want plus action equals satisfaction. It’s how we all function.

I grew up in a time when, as the saying goes, men kept their word, and a handshake was as good as a contract. I’ve known people who practically killed themselves to finish something, not because they wanted it, but because they promised to do it. They desired to be trustworthy. Honest. Culture has shifted, and we now allow more leniency on contracts. Marriages end. Jobs change. We’re more flexible. Some would say that society’s gone downhill because of this—some, but not me. People still do what they desire the most; it’s just that what we want has changed.

Woman on patio

The secret is promoted by many as a hidden treasure, a hoarded bit of knowledge. But it’s as simple as scratching an itch. So the next time you have a desire or urge to accomplish something, ask yourself how big your appetite is? The next time your back itches, how desperate are you to relieve that itch? What hoops will you jump through? Which laws will you break? How many zombies will you kill? Your craving will tell you how dedicated you’ll be to achieving your goal. It’s not just willpower; there’s desire too.

You Already Have Permission

Just saying.

You have permission to create, to speak up, and stand up.

You have permission to be generous, to fail, and to be vulnerable.

You have permission to own your words, to matter and to help.

No need to wait. —- Seth Godin

Like Nike’s ad – Just do it.

It’s different from planning, pushing, and forcing life to conform. They’re two different viewpoints, two different stories, as diverse as a Mac and a PC. Nike and Reebok.

Short Vacations

iPhones and other modern tech have benefits. Sometimes this is missed in the hate slam of everything we call modern. It’s like the current trend of gender shame and race shame. My phone is a tool.

Memories

An App created the video above. I also have an App that helps me correct grammar and spelling. Could I live without these? Certainly, but in this day, it wouldn’t be wise to leave my writing in its raw draft form. So, I use my tools.

Take a break

Rest is helpful. I need to slow down and let my mind wander. I would love a two-week vacation in Europe again or even Colorado. A long stretch to rest gives plenty of time to sigh, let go, and genuinely forget about work. But it’s not always possible. So, take a short vacation. And have fun anyway.

Life is for living.

The Balance of Living

Today seems like a good day for taking it easy. I believe it’s good to find balance in each day. I want to work, rest, be generous, and remember to find the “awe” of life by watching a sunset or doing things I enjoy.

Life is about living. As soon as we stop and plop ourselves onto a couch, our purpose is gone. Well, I think you know what happens next. It’s the downhill roll. I want to live and be full of the energy of growth. Keep going. Learn new things. Go to new places. Or do stupid stuff. Have fun in this life.

I KNOW it’s not easy. And I’m sorry for those who are struggling. We need to keep trying. I will, and I hope you will be here with me.

#Thankyou for being here with me. Could you show me your fun and happy pictures? #happypictures

Sit and Rest

“Sit, be still, and listen,
because you’re drunk
and we’re at
the edge of the roof.”
Rumi

It’s enough for today. Whatever you have done, all you accomplished, however little or big it was, it is enough. That mental list you keep, it can go into a drawer for now. Let’s rest. Sigh. Stretch. Sit back down. Fluff your pillow. Quit measuring your success. It’s only a shadow anyway, an illusion.

Remember what you enjoy. Is it cheese? Or the many shades of red? Do you love the sight of the sun as it sets over the ocean? Capture the feeling of these moments. Experience more of life. This is your real success.

Sound Triggers

I had a discussion with my mom recently. She asked why we have specific generational issues, such as fear of falling. Trauma or birth? I said it probably is due to our shortcomings both in the parents and the baby. This is where forgiving each other comes in.

In truth, trauma causes so much damage it makes it hard to find the natural person. What could a child have become if there had been love and healthy interactions instead of the fear-provoking experiences. The ones who did well in school were usually the ones with support at home, encouragement. Instead, certain people feel as if they belong. They walk alongside their peers.

Trauma, nurture, or birth? Is ADHD, Autism, Addictive behaviors, or any other adaptive issue, a preventable disorder? They are complex. I was conceived by a mom from a lineage of stressed and traumatized women. Mom was tired and probably depressed. Panic attacks. Anxiety. Afraid of doing life. When I was growing up, I watched her, trying desperately to help reassure her.

Babies developing in high adrenaline flooded wombs can have underdeveloped nervous systems. 

My issue currently is annoying sounds. This is how my ADHD/Aspergers works. People are talking at work, doors opening and closing. They are more than distracting. I feel anger. Rage. It is something I’m trying to understand. Currently, I am allowed to shut my office door. I’m fortunate.

Misophonia

Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance. Those who have misophonia might describe it as when a sound “drives you crazy.” Their reactions can range from anger and annoyance to panic and the need to flee. – WebMD What is Misophonia?

Earplugs and Earbuds sometimes solve a problem, listening to books or music, or sometimes I use white noise. So I’m looking at these special dBuds – earplugs as an answer.

Flawed

Humanity isn’t perfect, is what I tell people. Incomplete parents are having babies. We train them and love them with the best we have. It’s not always enough. Our hope is always to do better than the last generation, put in a little more knowledge, a bit more assertiveness, and sometimes another dose of love. Those kids have to make it.

Find The Story

Do you read? Maybe you listen to audiobooks? That’s my current speed. I also like podcasts, and I watch movies based on books and short stories.

I haven’t decided yet if short stories are trending or if it’s my imagination. Recently short has been more doable for me. Making a long-term commitment to a movie or a book makes me edgy. Although if I start watching something I like, sometimes I don’t want to quit.

#Trauma in the #emotional house

Society feels fractured, and it’s easy to point out the flaws. This is a painful time. People go to work and do the daily grind, showing up in offices, construction sites, hospitals, and grocery stores. They are hard-working, rushed, busy, and tired. Still, they find a way to keep going. Life, with no break, has no meaning. It can become pointless. It’s ADHD with an extra burst of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Throw in Narcissistic and Abusive, and then we will have a full house. We have trauma. We need to learn a new way of living.

We can learn how to live a decent life. It’s a skill. Keep in touch with health. Getting back into nature and remembering to be kind are the most important ones for me. What are yours?

These are a few things which help me

  1. Go outside or open a window.
  2. Make a furry friend.
  3. Read a story, short or long, real or true. Read for pleasure.
  4. Help someone else, furry or human. Be kind.
  5. Don’t forget yourself. Buy some candy or flowers—for yourself. Like ruts in the road, your care for yourself sets the standard for others’ treatment of you.

I enjoy a podcast called The One You Feed. I’ve included it below. I haven’t read it yet, but it’s on my list. Let me know in the comments below if you’ve read it.

In this episode, Eric and George discuss his book, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain. 

In his introduction, Saunders writes, "We're going to enter seven fastidiously constructed scale models of the world, made for a specific purpose that our time maybe doesn't fully endorse but that these writers accepted implicitly as the aim of art--namely, to ask the big questions, questions like, How are we supposed to be living down here?
What were we put here to accomplish?

What should we value?

What is truth, anyway, and how might we recognize it?"

By Nakeia Homer

Tacos, Love, and Parenting Yourself

My parents didn’t realize the importance of teaching me, a daughter, to care for myself. They taught me to be kind, thoughtful, and take care of others. My parents and I came from separate sources. It seemed to me as if we were as different as salt water and fresh water.

As society changed for my parent’s generation, they were still swimming in their saltwater tank. From the viewpoint of my culture, saltwater can kill you. Structure. Rules. Binding contracts.

I’ve learned to celebrate discovering my needs, all of them–for comfort, happiness, and safety. It started when I was feeling abandoned. I needed to GIVE and GATHER for myself–not wait and allow resentment to build when another doesn’t come through for me. Being polite wasn’t helpful anymore.

Caring for yourself

Once I was hanging out with a guy at his friend’s house, (boring) which was to be a short visit. After an hour, I NEEDED to eat. I took some initiative and told him I’d be back in a few minutes. I was going to grab a bite to eat (tacos.) It upset him, surprising him a little, but my needs were dire. Blood sugar issues are more important than a man’s ego. Quite honestly, I realize now that I was having a panic attack. But this taco moment is when I realized I had power.

Keep your power. Reclaim any scraps you find along the way–any.

Song Lyrics

Every breath I take has been taken before 
Every note’s been sung…… 
Who can I sing them all again for? Baba, Baba Baba…. 
Please don’t give up - please don’t lose that sound 
So many people fought to gain that ground 
Please don’t give up – please don’t hide your voice 
So many people did not have that choice. - Bellow/Unzip The Horizon, lyrics from a song released on April 7, 2018, Moira Smiley