change goals healing inspiration Learning Relationships self confidence society

The Goal is Being Alive

I had been restless, tired of putting up with leftovers. I’d had a lot of second-hand crap. Friends invited me to concerts–if their original date didn’t show. Or sometimes, I stayed in the car while she and a friend met the band and received autographs. It sucked. How did I get into this situation? One day I woke up and realized I wasn’t the first choice in my friend’s life. I was putting more effort into relationships than I was getting. It pissed me off. I’m not the second. When had I started down this path? I didn’t intentionally date taken men or choose friends who didn’t want to hang with me. But it all cracked, and I had enough.

It tested me…

I grew up in a hard-knocks rural lifestyle. If you don’t earn it, you don’t deserve it. Work hard, and take pride in your accomplishments. Park them in the driveway so the neighbors can see. But I was also torn between two worlds. I had earned my old world, the one I left, the mom me. Since I left it, somehow, I no longer had access to the worthiness I had achieved under its umbrella. My ex-husband kept the money. Society withheld the honor.

I couldn’t square the old with the new world I entered. In this modern world, I was a penniless, lonely, divorced female. I didn’t like this person I had become. I was sad and unfulfilled. I lived only to make it another day.

On the advice of a therapist, I planned to make some solo journeys. It seemed reasonable. It would be time away from toxic relationships, and I could readjust my expectations. Recalibrate. Learning to feel good on your own isn’t easy, but that was the plan. Solo Journeys. At least, it was the door I kept trying to go enter. Heaven is my witness; I tried. 

The universe or God had a surprise. I met someone who liked doing the same things I enjoyed – hiking, drinking coffee, etc. I could do it alone. I was willing to prove I could. But maybe I’ve done enough. I don’t know. One thing I’m learning is that not everything is accomplished through hard work and pounding on doors. maybe I’ve done enough. I don’t know. I’m adoring my journeys currently. I’m making peace with my life. I’m alive.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Wyzzz

The World Arthur Guinness couldn't express in Words...

Jonathan Hilton Mind Connections

Personal Growth, Self Improvement, Positive Thinking

Diary of an Aesthete

Follow the Journey...

The Nephilim Rising™

Lux in Tenebris Lucet

Little Fears

Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes

Lebana's Journey |Prose and Poetry|

I Dare You to Figure Me Out

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Damien Walter

"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."

The Autistic FellRunner

A diary of my life as an autistic who enjoys fellrunning

Byron Bay Meditation & Healing

Tools for Personal Development: Meditation-Healing- Coaching- Retreats Byron Bay,NSW

joyful cacophony

Welcome to our online community of creativity, healing and self-exploration! This is a place to tell our stories with the intention to learn from one another. Please read and share your thoughts freely!

musings from the trenches

Pondering life, parenting, and the world as we know it

Anelemc's Blog

Writing Pieces or... Pieces of Writing

J.D. Moyer

science fiction author

Republican No More

One Pissed-Off Deplorable

Rae Spencer

I'm working on it.

The Sin City Siren

Feminism direct from Las Vegas since 2007!

Sue Doodles

colorful meanderings on paper

%d bloggers like this: